Video Transcription
Tough times – Ren’s story
My name is Ren, I’m 23, and I am so much more. I am a passionate person, creative and empathetic. I have a relationship with God and a love for people. I’m a mental health advocate and a budding filmmaker. I love to read, I smile when I’m uncomfortable, and I struggle with my mental health. Having mental health issues is hard, but it’s made harder when people don’t understand, especially when they don’t know the full story.
For me, much of my mental health issues, if not all, come from the fact that I have gone through a lot in my life. At the age of two, I was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder called Langerhans cell histiocytosis. I spent a lot of my early childhood in hospital, went through nine months of chemo, and survived. In many ways, I was lucky. I got to grow up. I had a childhood where I got to experience some pretty cool stuff. I still do get to experience amazing things, like driving a car and eating a whole block of chocolate. But when you go through something so traumatic at such a young age, at any age, it leaves you with stuff that is really hard to deal with.
Dealing with the impacts of cancer was and is hard, but during school, I also had to contend with being bullied. It was really hard, and at many points, I didn’t understand why it was happening. I didn’t know how to deal with it, and because of that, I would avoid it. I would constantly miss school because I just didn’t want to face the people who were causing me pain. Life was a struggle, and eventually, I couldn’t deal with it. I started to have issues with my mental health when I was 15, where I developed a condition called conversion disorder.
Conversion disorder is a condition where a person shows psychological stress in physical ways. It means my legs will stop working. As well as this, I also struggle with both post-traumatic stress disorder and borderline personality disorder. Borderline personality disorder is a very misunderstood condition, but basically, it means that every day I live with intense emotion. For me, it is almost always depression with a bit of anxiety mixed in. It is both a blessing and a curse because although I struggle with relationships, feel intense pain, constantly struggle with both suicidal thoughts and self-injury, and can’t always regulate how I feel, I’m also highly creative, compassionate, and passionate.
And that is only the beginning. Headspace has helped me so much since I started accessing their services. They have empowered me to create a life that I am happy with and have given me the opportunity to grow. I check in with my youth access coordinator each week, and we just sit there and chat. She has helped me to use both my inner strength and my existing supports, and I’m so much better for it. I also have the opportunity through headspace to serve as a youth advisory group member. Being a part of this has meant so much to me because every week I’m able to make a difference.
I have also discovered my passion for both mental health advocacy and film, and I’ve found people who care about me and love me for who I am, which is something I lacked for a large part of my life. I’m probably not even halfway there. I know that I have a long way to go, and sometimes I may fall, but I now have a great support network through headspace, my friends, family, and other community supports. Best of all, I have an ever-growing inner strength that continues to get stronger each and every day.
Video by headspace
