NO: Why is this word so important?

15th March, 2018    |    By  Project Rockit    |     2.4k

In Episode 11, Danielle and Lucy explore the importance of saying ‘NO’ to assert your wants, needs or boundaries and respecting ‘NO’ when we hear it.

  1. 1We often think of NO as a blocking word, but what are some examples of when it’s been useful for you?
  2. What are the reasons why some people might find it harder to say ‘NO’ than others?
  3. Why do you think society has taught us that ‘NO’ is a negative word?

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Boy/girlfriend relationship Parent and family conflict Managing friendships Bullying

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NO: Why is this word so important?

Today, we’re going to be talking about one of the most important words in the English language—a word that can provoke heartbreak, love, fear, or anger. When someone’s walking really slowly in front of you on the footpath and you can’t overtake them because they’re right in front of you, it’s really frustrating. No! And also, not one word. Nope! Make the answer “No.”

Okay, I need it. Yeah, so we first start hearing this word as little kids, and at that point, it’s really frustrating because we can’t possibly understand why our parents are saying no to something we want. As we get older, we hear messages like, “Go after your dreams. Fight for what you want. Don’t take no for an answer,” and this word “no” becomes a block for getting what we want.

Yeah, so sometimes it can kind of feel like saying no is blocking someone else’s dream, but it’s not. It’s actually no wonder that so many people, myself included, feel that this word “no” is so hard to say. We want to please people. We all want to get along, and we want to fit in.

Definitely, I’ve found myself in times where I’ve wanted to say no, but I’ve said yes because I didn’t want to seem weird. Like, if everyone’s going to a huge party on the weekend and it’s really hectic and I’m anxious about being in a social situation, I might still force myself enough to go along anyway, rather than deal with the struggle of saying no.

That struggle can range from tiny things, like, “Are you done with those fries?” “No, never!” Right through to bigger things, like saying no to friends who’ve actually treated you pretty badly. And sometimes, you find yourself overcompensating by coming up with really over-the-top responses like, “I’m sorry, I can’t hang out with you because I have to go to my best friend’s cat’s baby shower.” “Sorry, I always need to write a 2,000-word essay preferred by her three best friends.”

It’s okay to simply say no, and it’s important, especially when someone isn’t taking no for an answer. “Hey, can I have a hundred bucks?” “Nah.” “Please?” “No.”

All this pressure shows why it’s so important that when we hear the word no, we actually respect it and listen to it. And remember, when someone tells you what they do or don’t want to do, that’s a great thing. I’m personally really grateful when someone’s honest with me like that.

Yeah, when people say no to stuff that you’d say yes to, that just means we have different boundaries. Personal boundaries are the limits that each of us hold in our minds to feel safe physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

You might find yourself hanging out with someone who’s totally awesome but has totally different ideas to you about things like loaning out your stuff, physical contact, or sharing deep personal information or opinions. Right, it’s really important.

And if you’re worried about upsetting someone, you can be really clear that it’s not personal. Like, you could literally say, “Hey, it’s not personal, I just don’t feel comfortable lending out my nose hair clippers to people. You understand?”

Yeah, you have a right to privacy. You have a right to say no, to be treated with courtesy and respect, to change your mind, to be left alone, to ask for help, and to choose not to answer a question if you don’t want to.

Right, definitely. And it’s important we start with the everyday settings and practice with small questions. Saying no and feeling that no means no, because literally, the most basic definition of the word “no” is knowing.

Anyway,

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