How do you know when you’re ready to have sex for the first time? Does a switch flick in your brain? Will you receive a handwritten letter letting you know that you’re ready to go forth and take off all of your clothes? Unfortunately it’s not so simple, but there are questions you can ask yourself to make sure you don’t do the deed too early.
- You want to lose your virginity but you’re not sure if you’re ready
- You’re not sure why you want to have sex in the first place
- You want to make sure you’re safe about losing your V-plates
Whoa tiger, put your clothes back on
So, don’t rush into it, get the facts, and have a think about why you want to do it in the first place. If you know exactly what to expect and why you want to do it, you’ll feel better about the decisions that you make.
Questions to ask yourself before having sex for the first time
Why do you want to have sex in the first place? You might decide to have sex because:
- You think it might be fun
- You’re in love and it feels right
- It feels good
- You see it as a sign of commitment
- You’re curious and want to experiment
- Everyone else is doing it
Whatever your reasons are, ask yourself these questions:
- Do you feel ready to have sex?
- What sex acts do you feel ready to try? (e.g. manual sex, oral sex, vaginal sex, anal sex etc.)
- Does the person you want to have sex with feel ready?
- Have you talked with the other person about what kind of relationship you both want?
- Do you feel safe with the person you’re thinking about having sex with?
- Do you know about the risks of sex, like pregnancy and STIs? Read some more on contraception.
- Are you comfortable talking about contraception and safe sex with your partner?
- Do you feel comfortable with your choice of partner?
- Do you feel more anxious than excited?
- Do you feel pressured by your friends or your partner?
- Does the decision about having sex fit with your religious beliefs and/or culture?
- Are you or your partner too young to have sex legally? Read Lawstuff for information on the legal age of consent across different areas of Australia.
- Are you worried about what having sex might mean for you and whether it will make you feel different?
If you haven’t thought about these questions, it’s a really good idea to do so before having sex for the first time. If you’re struggling with these questions, you might want to take some time to work out how you feel about them before jumping into bed (or wherever else).
You might feel weird about it, but consider having a chat to close friends or family to get a second opinion. You could even have a chat to a doctor – they talk about this kind of thing all the time. They might give you some really valuable advice that you hadn’t thought of. Having sex for the first time is something you can only do once, so do what you have to do to make sure your decision sits well with you.