RELATIONSHIPS: Navigating toxic relationships online

20th January, 2021    |    By  Project Rockit    |     952

In Episode 2, Amal and Gian chat about the different ways toxic behaviour can look online.

DISCUSSION QUESTIONS:

  1. What are the most common types of toxic behaviour you see online?
  2. How do you respond when something makes you feel uncomfortable online? What would you do if you’re friends with that person?
  3. What advice would you give someone in Gian’s situation?

Kids Helpline resources: Tips for setting boundaries: https://kidshelpline.com.au

PRTV: Season 3 is proudly sponsored by Kids Helpline Produced by Momentum Studios Australia – see all the videos here.


Also check the related topics:  

Staying safe online Boy/girlfriend relationship Managing friendships

Video provided by Project Rockit

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Video Transcription

Navigating toxic relationships online

Toxic relationships. Yikes.

“Yeah, it usually gets that reaction. That, or people just start singing the Britney Spears song.”

“I was actually pretty close. But now, honestly, when I think of toxic relationships, I think of something really big and really bad, and yeah, obviously negative.”

“As more and more people find their communication channels being online, the cues that we might use to read someone’s intention or understand what they’re saying change, right? And what’s considered toxic might not be as obvious to spot online.”

“Yeah, it can be a pretty heavy topic to bring up, so we wanted to talk about the different ways that toxic behaviour might look online.”

“And as a baseline, let’s establish what toxic behavior actually is. Pretty much, it’s any behaviour that repeatedly and consistently makes you feel bad, no matter who it’s coming from. Now, it’s not the same as a conflict between two people because that’s about a specific issue. But toxic relationships can spill over into your whole life and really impact both your mental health and your self-esteem.”

“It’s also really important to understand that an otherwise perfectly healthy friendship can have toxic behaviours in it. That doesn’t mean the whole relationship is toxic—just that specific behaviour.”

“Yeah, so some examples might be someone who uses secrets against you, someone who texts you incessantly and makes it really difficult to hang out with other people, someone who pressures you for photos, or someone who spams you with photos that you don’t want to see.”

“Yeah, basically, it’s just anyone who won’t respect your boundaries. But also, it’s important to note that an otherwise healthy relationship might just have certain aspects that you’re not okay with.”

“Yeah. So let’s say I’ve got some mates, and we like to joke around online. Usually, it’s just ‘boys being boys’ type of stuff, but recently, it’s actually become really derogatory towards some of the girls in my year level. I’m not okay with it, so what can I do to stop it?”

“The thing about toxic traits is they can kind of snowball and just get harder to deal with over time. But if you do something about it early enough, you can actually stop it from getting worse. In a group setting, it usually just takes one person to stand up. Once one person speaks out and says it’s not okay, the rest of the group tends to back you up. So letting them know that you don’t think it’s okay is a really great first step. But if it doesn’t work, you might need to take a more direct approach.”

“In that situation, we would suggest:

  1. Let them know what the action was.
  2. Explain how it made you feel.
  3. Share how it impacted you.

A lot of the time, we just jump straight to the impact, and it ends up sounding like a massive accusation. You know, like, ‘You cut me off from all my friends,’ or ‘You make it impossible to say no to you.’ It can get pretty intense. So most of the time, laying it down like this should work. But if it still doesn’t, you could mute the group chat so you can gather your thoughts and clear your head. Then, you could go so far as to block, report, or even remove that person from the group chat.”

“It’s an easily reversible way to show them that you’re really serious about not being okay.”

“Yeah. And actually, I have another situation where a friend of mine is going through some tough times at home, and they often rely on me for support. But the thing is, I’m going through my own stuff. So whenever they rely on me, I just end up feeling extra bad. I’m really glad that they reach out to me and that I can support them, but it’s repeated and consistent. They expect me to keep it a secret from people, and I actually think someone else might be able to help. So I guess that could be toxic as well.”

“True. Reaching out for support is super important, and being there for our friends when they need support is really important as well. But it’s not okay for them to force you to keep it a safe—or unsafe—secret, especially if you’re worried about them. And it’s definitely not okay for them to pressure you into sharing private stuff in return.”

“Honestly, that does make sense. So like, just to clarify, reaching out for support is not a toxic trait. But sometimes our friends can rely on us more than we can handle.”

“Ultimately, if a behaviour isn’t okay with you, it’s so okay to say that it’s not okay—even if they’re your friends.”

“100%.”

Video by Project Rockit