Video Transcription

Zak’s story – bullying and depression

My parents split when I was about five or six, so I was raised by a single mum. I had lots of bullying issues when I went to school. I didn’t really enjoy school that much. To be honest, I hated high school. I started suffering depression mid-year 11. Then I had a relationship breakdown at the start of year 12. So I stopped paying attention in class because I was bored. I started missing things, and then when I tried to catch up, I couldn’t do it, and that just sent me over the edge.

Final year 12, I was really depressed because I had done 12 years of schooling and basically came out of it with nothing. I was really angry, really upset, quite anxious. I was really unhappy with what’s happened, and unhappy with myself, and I blamed myself for it all. I’ve got a family history of depression and drug abuse. I didn’t really touch any substances or anything until I was 18. Mum knew that I was on drugs, and she was trying to help me as much as she could. The substances gave me a way out, an escape, and that’s what it was at the end of the day. It was just an escape for me.

My dad had a lot of these issues, and after hearing his story, that jolted me. I just had to stop. I didn’t want to end up like that, I didn’t want that to happen to me. I was aware of myself getting depressed, but I didn’t think it was going to be an issue. I could see all these signs around me, and I was just ignoring them, going “it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter.” I tried to solve my own problems. Some issues you just can’t solve yourself. It took me a couple of years to realise that.

There were times when I was really, really very concerned about his welfare and his health. A few times I really thought that I might lose him. But I just kept plugging away slowly, and just offering support and encouragement. If I was at work, he could contact me. If he was anxious, he could ring me at any time. I saw an email about headspace and I forwarded it to Zak, and he took that opportunity, and I think it’s done him a world of good. It was just relief. There was joy again. There wasn’t this black cloud around all the time. It just lightened my heart and lightened me.

Once I started with headspace, I started looking at my actions and seeing how they’re affecting the people around me. That encouraged me. Talking about it with the other headspace people is making me see that I’m not a freak for feeling like this, which is something I certainly felt. At our centre, we’ve got an alcohol and drug nurse. She’s very friendly. She’s very nice. You can say what you think, and she doesn’t judge you.

I was always interested in tinkering with things, you know, seeing how things are made, how they work. I got an award as an apprentice. I got best first-year apprentice during my first year. I got third place overall my second year, and then I realised, I can do this. I can go further and I can do what I’ve always wanted to do, even though I had these issues in the past and I’ve had this setback. And it’s headspace that made me realise that you’re capable of doing anything, but you’ve got to set your mind to it.

I qualified as a mechanic about six months ago. Hard work pays off. Feels great when you have a car and it hasn’t run, and you’ve done all this work on it. You spend a whole day working on it, put it back together, and it just starts. It’s a nice feeling to go, “Yep, it works.” I’ve done something, I’ve achieved something. No matter how many setbacks you have, get back up and keep on going. I gave up a couple of times, and I realised, you just keep on going, and eventually, you get to where you want to be.

Headspace has given me those skills that showed me how to resolve my problem, instead of just me expecting it to be resolved. I know now how much help I needed, and that’s the benefit of hindsight. But if I was in that same situation, I’d go there without a second thought. Don’t put it off, ‘cause that’s what I did, and it was a very bad idea. It hurt myself, it hurt the people around me. Even if you don’t think it’s that bad, seek some help. Sweeping it under the table doesn’t fix it. It just makes it worse, it just lets the problem build.

Mental health isn’t black and white, it’s shades of grey. Recovery for me is just being able to live a comfortable and happy life, essentially.

Video by headspace