Video Transcription
Intro
At Kids Helpline, suicide is not a taboo topic. So let’s talk about it honestly, openly, and with empathy. We asked you what your most common questions about suicide were, and I’m going to answer them for you.
Intrusive and unwanted thoughts
Having suicidal thoughts but not wanting to act on them is known as having unwanted or intrusive thoughts. People can have intrusive thoughts about lots of different things, including sex, violence, and suicide.
When it comes to suicidal thoughts, around a quarter to a third of teens experience them at some stage.
Some coping strategies for managing intrusive and unwanted thoughts about suicide include recognising that the thoughts are intrusive and knowing they are not actionable. Just because you think something doesn’t mean you have to act on it.
These thoughts are often automatic — they can come and go, and you don’t have control over when they appear. Try to accept them rather than argue with them or push them away, as that can sometimes make them more intense.
If mindfulness works for you, you could try a mindful activity or use distraction to help you cope. Expect that the thoughts may come back, and be prepared with a plan for what to do when they do. Don’t engage with the thoughts or try to work out what they mean. Know that it takes practice to get better at managing them.
Reasons for suicidal thoughts
The reasons for suicidal thoughts are very personal and complex. For many people, they occur when things feel beyond their ability to cope.
One theory about why humans, unlike animals, have suicidal thoughts is that humans are wired to want to escape physical and psychological pain. Suicide can sometimes feel like an option to stop the hurting.
Signs that something might be wrong
There are behaviours that may signal something is going on. These can include withdrawing from friends, not looking after personal hygiene, or being reckless and doing dangerous things.
Other signs may include changes in eating or sleeping, using drugs or alcohol to cope, giving away belongings, or seeming suddenly happier after a long period of depression.
Warning signs can also appear in what people say — such as talking about death a lot or expressing hopelessness about the future. Two particularly serious warning signs are when someone feels like a burden to others, or when they seem ambivalent about living or dying, saying things like “maybe I will, maybe I won’t.”
If you’ve lost a friend or family member to suicide, it’s important to remember that not all suicides are foreseeable or preventable. Suicide can sometimes be unplanned and impulsive.
How to help a friend
The first thing to do is show concern. You might say you’ve noticed something different about them.
Be curious and ask questions, such as, “You don’t seem like yourself lately — what’s been going on?” or “Do you want to talk about it?”
If you think a friend might be suicidal, be direct. It’s okay — and important — to use the word suicide. Ask them directly, “Are you suicidal?”
Show empathy by listening and trying to understand what they’re feeling and going through.
There are also some important “don’ts.” Don’t make assumptions — feeling suicidal doesn’t automatically mean someone will end their life. And don’t make it about other people by saying things like, “What would your parents do if you died?” Research shows this can actually make people feel worse and less safe.
Getting support
The most important thing to remember is to get support as soon as possible.
At Kids Helpline, when I took my very first call about suicide, I was incredibly nervous. I worried about saying the wrong thing. What helped me was knowing that research shows the most important thing you can do is simply be there, listen, and connect.
The most important thing is your relationship with that person.
Safety planning
It can be really helpful to create a safety plan. A safety plan might include your warning signs — what’s happening in your body or thoughts when suicidal feelings increase.
It can also include your reasons for living, such as things you care about, interests, hobbies, family, friends, or pets. Include coping strategies that work for you.
It’s really important to involve other people in your safety plan. If you have support from family, friends, or professionals, include them so they know what helps you.
Some helpful strategies include making your environment safer, delaying action because suicidal thoughts can and do pass, and using distraction. The mind isn’t great at multitasking, so doing something enjoyable can help thoughts pass more quickly.
Being around other people, having a list of supports, and seeking help when you need it are also important parts of a safety plan.
Talking to a counsellor
Tell your counsellor about suicidal thoughts in whatever way feels safest for you. There’s no right or wrong way. If saying it out loud feels too hard, you can write it down.
Your counsellor may ask questions about how long you’ve had the thoughts, how intense they are, or whether you have a plan. This is to help keep you safe. They’ll work with you to create a safety plan that’s personalised to your strengths, supports, and interests.
Different services have different rules around suicide reporting and confidentiality. If you’re unsure, it’s okay to ask your psychologist, school counsellor, or other professional what their rules are.
