Video Transcription
Understanding self harm
Well, in the beginning, I didn’t really cut myself that much, but every time I did, it seemed to make me feel better. I don’t really know why, but I guess it was a bit of a relief, so I kept doing it. The more upset I got about my dad not being around or stuff at school, the more I would do it. Soon, I was doing it almost every day, and I hid it from everyone, even my best friend, Lucy.
One day, when she pulled up her sleeves, I saw her cuts. She didn’t realise I’d seen them. I knew she was stressed, but cutting herself? I never would’ve thought she’d do that. I didn’t say anything to anyone, because I was worried Alyssa would be angry at me if I did.
As a mother, you don’t want to think your child is unhappy. But I knew something wasn’t right. She was becoming withdrawn, her behavior was going downhill, and her attitude was becoming so negative. Then, I noticed marks on her forearm, and I knew that was a real problem.
I kept trying to talk to her about it. She’d come up with little excuses or get really angry, telling me to back off. I got really frustrated, and then, out of desperation, one day I just came out with it. I asked, “Have you been cutting yourself? Is that why you have those scars on your arms?” Tears started rolling down her cheeks. I think she was ashamed that I knew.
Mum was so good to talk to. She didn’t make me feel stupid; she just sat and listened. Once Mum knew, I felt like I could tell Lucy. And, it turned out, she already knew. I was so surprised. A few days later, Mum booked me to see a counselor. I didn’t really want to go at first, but I thought I’d give it a try—partly just to get her off my back, but also because I knew I needed help.
When Alyssa first came to see me, she was pretty uncomfortable, but that’s not unusual. Talking to someone you don’t know can feel strange at first. But after a while, she started to say more, ask questions, and become curious about how things could be different for her, how she could give up cutting. Knowing that our sessions were confidential also helped her open up. But because self harm was involved, we had an early discussion about ensuring Alyssa stayed safe. If I was concerned she was at risk of serious harm, I told her I’d need to talk to someone about it. Alyssa’s cuts weren’t deep and didn’t require medical attention, but I needed to ensure she was looking after them.
It took me a few sessions to start telling her things, but she wasn’t shocked or surprised when I began talking about my cutting. In fact, she asked me lots of questions about it. She gave me ideas about what else might help, like writing down my thoughts when I’m feeling stressed or even just getting out of the house. Now that I’ve told my mum, just talking to her really helps
I found these websites that talk about how to help a friend who’s self-harming. It’s not just about telling her to stop; it’s more about being there to listen when she gets stressed and doing normal things together.
I’ve really seen Alyssa change over the last few months. I’m beginning to understand more about how it all works, why Alyssa gets stressed, and what makes her cut. The big thing for me is how I can help her. If she feels overwhelmed, I try to do things with her, even simple things like going to the movies or going for walks. Alyssa’s got a long way to go, but she’s on the right track, and I’m really proud of her. She knows she can’t do it on her own, but she’s working hard at it, and that takes courage. I’m really hopeful for her future now.
Alyssa is much more aware of her thinking and the impact it has on her feelings and behavior. She’s trying to reframe things in a more realistic or positive way. She’s been cutting less, although that hasn’t been our main focus. Our focus has been on helping her learn new ways to deal with stress. Feelings of anger, sadness, hopelessness, and shame are hard for anyone to handle, but she’s started expressing these feelings with words instead of relying on cutting. Knowing she can ask for help when she needs it is really important for her.
When we hang out, we just like doing ordinary things and putting the other stuff aside for a while. We also have this deal that if I’m worried about her, I can talk to her mum.
It’s a bit weird not to be cutting. Sometimes it’s really hard, but the more I manage without doing it, the better I feel. My scars are a part of me, and when I look at them, they remind me of how far I’ve come.
Young people who deliberately hurt themselves don’t necessarily want to die, but it can be a way of coping with distress, overwhelming negative feelings, thoughts, or memories. Stressors that might trigger self-harm include difficulties with family or close friends, school or work problems, depression, alcohol and drug use, grief, trauma, or abuse. People who self-harm don’t need to work it out alone. Finding someone to talk to, like a local doctor, counselor, headspace, eHeadspace, or a confidential help line, is a great place to start. Self-harm might be a way to cope for a while, but over time, it’s important to learn healthier ways to manage difficult feelings and cope with stress. If someone is thinking about suicide, they need to get help right away. A local hospital knows how to help.
Video by headspace
