Video Transcription

R U OK? Ask the Experts: Vanessa Lee

Sometimes it’s about just pausing. You know, a simple strategy is sometimes when somebody’s talking to you and you find yourself jumping in and not letting them finish that sentence, put your fingers on your mouth, just sit like this. And, you know, what that does is you’re just stopping yourself from talking, and it also tells the other person, “You know what? I’m going to wait for you. I’m going to wait for you to talk,” and you can actually articulate, “I’m just going to wait for you to talk.”

And if I have to put my hand here so I’m quiet, I can listen to you, then I’m going to do that because what you’re saying to me is important, and it means something to me. Sometimes people start yarning or talking and they share the story and they pause. That is not your opportunity to jump in and give advice. Sometimes people pause because they think they’re thinking about what to say next, so you sit and you just listen. When the person’s finished, they might just finish talking and all of a sudden, they just sit there and they might not even want you to respond.

Like I said, if they pause and they pause for three to four minutes, sometimes they’re just pulling the pieces together. And that comes back, and that is not your opportunity to jump in and just change the subject or take control. It’s actually for you to sit back and just say, “Is there anything else? Do you want me to answer, or do you want to talk about some more?” Because that’s maybe what they need.

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