Video Transcription

Living with a disability

I used to run a rock music show at my local radio station. The manly stuff from the ’80s. I’ve been to a lot of concerts. Think of probably any ’80s rock band, and I’ve probably seen them. I live with a physical condition called cerebral palsy. I was very, very self-aware from a young age that I was different, that I looked different, that I moved differently, but my body felt different too. I really wanted to be just like everyone else. I wanted to be the so-called norm. It was particularly hard still during high school, seeing everybody go through puberty and wanting to start going out on dates with people, and I completely felt the same way. I would have crushes on people and ask them to be in a relationship, but the answer was always no. I felt like it was always my disability that got in the way of everything. I never felt beautiful or attractive, or anything like that. I never saw anybody on TV or in a magazine that even looked like me. It always really felt like this is the reality. People would say things, and they almost seemed scared to touch you. They were scared to put a hand on your shoulder, give you a hug, hold your hand, or do anything like that.

Sometimes I get really anxious when I’m talking to people. I find I put all these thoughts in my head, like, “Am I blinking? Am I staring at them? Do they think I’m staring at them? What are they thinking about what I’m saying? Do they think I’m stupid? They probably think what I’m saying is stupid.” I try to challenge all these stereotypes that people have. Usually, I get around with a walking stick. They can’t put weight on my hand at the moment because of a fracture, and that’s why I’m in the tree. How I sort of got into this space was, I was feeling really, really anxious about something, and I thought, “I want to talk to somebody who’s going to listen.” I thought, “Oh, you know, I’ll just Google them and see if they have any of this online counseling stuff.” I did, and found Headspace. I find I’m able to express so many more of my thoughts by writing stuff down. Using that meant that I could talk to someone whenever I wanted.

I’ve just started my Master of Social Work at Open Uni. As a future social worker, I’m really passionate about seeing the whole person. The more that I move into this field, the more I feel like I’m being accepted for who I am and what I am, or what I have. People keep calling me an activist, but I don’t really see myself as an activist. I feel that’s too political. What I prefer to call it is subtle activism. I go to a lot of bars and nightclubs, and I’m pretty much the only person with a disability. Something I’ve been trying to work towards is owning the idea that I am different, and that’s okay. I think I have a really strong desire to prove myself. I can be quite in people’s faces sometimes, and that could be quite controversial. No matter how differently we look, we’re really just all the same people with disabilities. We’re just people, and that’s something I really want everyone to think about.

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