Alessandro's headspace story

23rd April, 2017    |    By  headspace    |     1.9k

Alessandro’s headspace story


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Alessandro’s headspace story

My mum wanted me to write a book called To Be Continued because there were times where we weren’t sure that it was going to continue for me. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue. It started when I was nine years old, with bubbling depression that really continued until I was probably about 17. I definitely felt abnormal. I ended up going to the counsellor’s office and just not going back to school. I felt this huge shame. I don’t have any words for what it was; all I knew was that every couple of months I would just break down, couldn’t handle it, cry, lose my mind, not want to talk to anyone, and then it would sort of get a bit better. But it wasn’t really better; it was just sort of a temporary fix.

Along the way, my first experience at Headspace, the initial consultation with one of the youth workers, was meant to go for 40 or 15 minutes, half an hour to sort of see where I was at. I kept her there for around 45 minutes. Pretty sure that went into her lunch break. She just sat there and listened and listened and listened. And it was all this stuff that was coming out. It was really, really good to get off my chest and talk about. The change for me was going from “What’s wrong?” to “What can we do?” and it was really empowering to feel like that.

The smoothest rocks are the ones that have been crashed and dragged and dropped and thrown through rivers. It’s the real gems that you end up appreciating what they’ve gone through. Yes, there’s been a lot of difficulty that I’ve experienced, but at the same time, I’ve come out of it stronger.

Creativity is something which I feel is vital to my well-being. Mandalas are a passive expression of emotion. You work from the middle out, and you build and build and build in this sort of circle. Whatever you want to put on the paper, that can convey whatever you’re feeling or thinking. Creations come from a place of pain quite often, and I channel that pain that I feel into things that I do. This place is somewhere that’s such a peaceful place for me. It gives me so much freedom to do the things I love: the outside, being in nature, creating things—all of this stuff that really invigorates me and makes me feel happy.

Generally, there’s this weird stoic mindset that men have, where we think we’ve got to tough it out and be strong. For some reason, strong is doing the thing that you’re scared of, that it’s difficult, that it’s harder. The strength that comes from talking about it far outweighs the strength of trying to carry the load.

My story, I guess, is the fact that I am continuing, that I’m going forward in a way that is really positive, and that life is completely not where I thought it was going to be a few years ago—in the best way possible.

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