Monday morning and I was the happiest girl ever, nothing could break my mood.
School drifted along effortlessly and fast, why? I just spent the weekend with him, drinking and doing some not so legal things. I had fun, and so did he.
Every morning I would receive super cute messages telling me I’m beautiful and should have a good day, and in the evening we would talk until we fell asleep, I was smitten.
Four weeks later I hadn’t seen him since that weekend, It upset us both, but having a busy schedule we couldn’t find time until week number four, everything was set I was going to go to his because he rents with a mate, and we were going to have a cute weekend, cuddling and spending time together, until I got a call in to work, needing the extra money I had to cancel.
The night before work I didn’t feel right, something was wrong. I knew I wasn’t sick and hadn’t been either, but I shrugged it off and went to bed.
After work I still felt something wasn’t right and for some odd reason I decided to use the pregnancy test a friend gave to me as a joke.
This was the hardest five minutes of my life.
After the five minutes were up, I couldn’t move all I could do was stare at the positive pregnancy test, an hour later I finally moved and rang my best friend, let’s call her Ally.
When I told her she didn’t believe me, it wasn’t until the next morning when we met at our usual spot, just before class when we would have a cigarette together, when I didn’t have any and rejected one off her she knew.
That’s when it actually hit me, I cried on her shoulder for almost two hours, because what was I going to do? It was my last year of school, I was young, and I wasn’t even in a relationship with the father. I was screwed.
After Ally calmed me down with reasonable and calming suggestions, I had a small glimmer of hope, maybe the test was wrong? So I went to headspace.
When I saw the nurse, he shook his head. One month earlier I had already been to see him, for contraception and a pregnancy test, so he just handed me the cup, because I knew what to do.
I was in for another long five minutes.
This time the test was positive, I burst out laughing, I didn’t think it was funny I was just really panicked and stressed.
The nurse asked me what I was going to do, at the point I was clueless, so he explained my three options:
He explained that there was support for all three options and I wasn’t alone, as I was leaving the nurse explained to me that I need to make a decision, but it has to be MY decision, not anyone else’s.
That night I told the father, let’s call him Matt.
He was super sweet about it, telling me that he would support me no matter what happened. Just one problem, he wanted the baby, he didn’t believe in terminations or adoption.
The next step was the parents; I was scared so I Snapchatted mum, she wasn’t impressed.
At first she thought I was messing around and told me to stop playing silly jokes. Finally she started to realise and told me that Matt better be involved because there was no way she and dad were going to watch me be a single parent, every baby deserves a father, and she is right.
My dad on the other hand was harder, I had no choice then to message him, he couldn’t answer his phone, and he worked away, five minutes after I messaged him he rang, and boy was he upset.
The whole time he begged me to be joking, before the call ended he asked to know Matt’s name, of course not thinking I told him, he messaged Matt.
I needed to make a decision and I thought it was pretty clear, keep the baby. I wasn’t looking out for myself, the baby or my family I was doing what strangers and people whom opinions should mean nothing, told me to do.
I felt like I had no one, angry parents and strangers I couldn’t harbour my problems on to.
Finally I spoke to my mother, after bursting into tears whilst cooking dinner, my sister took over and we went for a private chat.
My mother helped me realise that It was my decision on what I did with my life and I needed to make the choice, so after looking at the pros and cons of a baby, I decided on a Termination.
Knowing I couldn’t afford the $300 procedure, I went to seek help from headspace, who helped with the cost of the procedure.
I was scared, but lucky knowing I had my mother there to hold my hand and a family friend.
The procedure was quick and I couldn’t feel or remember a thing, because of the aesthetic , when I woke up I felt as though I was drunk, so the nurse lead me to a room to relax and let the aesthetic wear off, that’s when I burst out crying, I wasn’t in any pain, but I felt terrible.
The next day my mother let me have a day off school, and I stayed home, slept and stayed hidden and quiet, everyone stayed away from me and I stayed away from them.
That night my friends all showed up, because they were celebrating, let’s call him Brodie’s birthday, they were all drinking and happy, and I had to keep hiding away because I didn’t want to show them my weakness, in the end I hid and went to bed, I felt terrible but I didn’t want to ruin his day.
It has been three months now and I see a psychologist for depression and other things, and life has gotten better, in my mind I have made the better choice and have an opportunity to have babies in the future and I sure I will, but with a partner, not some teenage crush whom isn’t around anymore, but that’s a different story.
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