The rant...The guilt

29th April, 2017   |    By Tara   |    5 min read

So I’m sitting there…alone…on a Friday night just watching TV. Having given up casual sex and drinking in order to regain a little self control,  I am constantly amazed at the plethora of other exciting activities available. So there are I am, home alone, just me and the TV. And then it hits me! I know what would shake up this this otherwise dull Friday evening. I race to the kitchen. I grab the Ice-Magic and the ‘I’m Not Too Old For Sprinkles’ sprinkles and the biggest spoon I can find.

Opening the freezer I cross my legs in case I involuntarily pee with excitement (That happens as you get older, the ability to control your own bodily functions becomes almost impossible). I momentarily catch my breath. It’s not there. It has to be. It isn’t. But I had only brought it yesterday…

I look behind the 5 packets of frozen peas that have accumulated in my otherwise bare freezer. For some reason I believe purchasing frozen peas constitutes a ‘grown-up’ grocery shop thereby cancelling out the super doopers, snack size Disney Jelly fridge friends (fun AND yummy!) and the 720 packets of chicken flavoured  2 minute noodles which form the basis of our weekly shop.  Nope, my middle sized (because small is for baby midgets and large is just embarrassing) tub of vanilla heaven is gone. Vanished.

Noo… He wouldn’t.. would he?

Very slowly I walk towards my housemate’s bedroom. I twist the door handle and peer in. There it is. The remnants of my delicious Friday night treat lying in the centre of his bed. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

THIS?? Why do we unleash on those closet?

The rant

I’m not proud of what happens next’s. I completely lose it. I flip. A tirade of abuse cascades from my mouth. Curse words I didn’t even know I knew flew from my lips like a sailor. Tears of anger prick at my eyeballs. I grabbed my phone. Before he could even utter a Hello I lay into him. I screamed down the phone whilst pacing the apartment. How dare he! How selfish! How could he do this to me?

After I had run out of steam..Poor Timmy spoke.”Wow I’m really sorry Tara, I didn’t think you would mind, I was gonna replace it. I’ll buy you ten more I promise. I’m sorry..I love you.”  He hung up.

The guilt

I sat down and cried. Not about the Ice cream but because of what I had just done. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I felt awful. Why had I done that? And over a tub of ice cream for christ’s sake. He had done nothing wrong by eating what he thought was shared goods anyway. I began to think about our relationship and looked to see if maybe I was over reacting to the ice cream because of other annoying, niggling issues we hadn’t resolved.  There wasn’t any. Not one.

Tim and I have lived together for nearly a year. Two years younger than me we are similar yet very different in many ways. For example Tim believes 5 hours of play station is a damn productive Sunday. I believe getting all the clothes washing hung out and dried in one day is even more productive.  But even with our individual differences it works. Why?

For one very simple reason..Tim makes me laugh.

Even after a year, sitting on the couch together regaling me of stories of his previous night’s shenanigans I’m in fits of giggles. He has a way of making even the crappy days entertaining. He is not only a very close friend it now seems he has become my emotional punching bag. There is absolutely no way I can fairly justify this. Taking my shit out on someone close to me just doesn’t cut it..but how often do the people closest to us find themselves on the receiving end of our outbursts. Why do we hurt the ones we love?

I would never throw a hissy fit to a complete stranger but find it no problem to abuse the poor dude who sits up lip syncing with me to Disney songs till 3am because I feel sad and can’t sleep. I would certainly offer up my dessert to any passing stranger but balk when the guy who tolerates Taylor Swift on repeat tucks into it.

Picking your battles are important and ice-cream is just not one of them..thinking about it there isn’t a whole lot that IS worth potentially ruining what is a wonderful friendship and living arrangement..I don’t know many people out there that would put up with my shamefully feminine bathroom all pink and candles, or the country road cushions that MUST be removed before sitting on the couch.. (what? they are for decorative purposes only and bloody expensive!).

Yes, Tim might forget to washes his dishes but never does he forget my favourite Boost juice on his way home from Saturday training, or that mornings are for coffee not conversation. He might mix up the trash and piss off our neighbours but man does he know a thousand egg jokes!! – ah he really CRACKS me up!!! Get it ..crack..egg..eggs crack..ok well I think its funny!

Anyway  I hope everyone can take a little something away from this story: Don’t Mess With My Ice-cream! Just kidding.

I hope it encourages you to take a breath before launching into a full blown assault mission at someone you care about. Take a minute and really think is it worth saying something you will feel bad about later.

Because trust me…Guilt is an even bigger pain in the arse!


Also check the related topics:  

Managing friendships

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