In today’s post, our blogger Sara giving some advice from the heart and experience about how to survive a break up.
Image by missteee at Flickr
Unfortunately, most of us will experience an emotional relationship break up in our late teens or early adulthood. The good news is, you will get through it. The bad news is, it won’t happen overnight. After experiencing a couple of these emotionally painful break ups, and watching my friends (male and female) go through the same, I have decided to share with you our mistakes and the things that helped us to move on.
It’s better to accept that you are going to feel down for some time than it is to fight it and try to create false happiness. The sooner you let yourself grieve for the relationship that you have lost, the sooner you will start to feel better.
The length of this time is completely up to you. Hide under the doona, watch movies, listen to sad music etc. Continue to go to work, school or university. You can still do the above after you get home from your commitments. By setting a time limit on this, you are allowing yourself time to be a mess with the knowledge that you can’t stay in that state forever.
Being friends with your ex is possible, but only after your healing is completed. For the time being, limit contact with your ex or if possible, cease contact. Contact with them will only prolong your pain. However, do not ignore your ex if they contact you. Simply explain to them that you need time to heal and that your contact with them needs to be stopped until you are ready.
After your deep grieving period is up, start making plans with your friends and family and accept invitations. You may not feel very cheerful, but spending time around other people will gradually help you to feel better.
I’ve seen this happen so many times over the years. People who are hurting try and get revenge by spreading rumours or secrets about their ex or by hooking up with their mates. It rarely makes you feel better and actually just makes you look bad. The rule to follow: don’t do anything that you would be upset by if you were on the receiving end.
Don’t retaliate if they do something to try and get revenge on you. This will turn it in to a competition and you are above that. Choose the mature option and you’ll feel better for it.
Keep this to yourself. Respect your ex’s privacy and honour and hopefully they will do the same for you. Also, note that sharing explicit images of any person underage is considered as child pornography. Sharing explicit images of any over-age person without permission is considered as tactless.
This will prolong the time it takes you to get over them and will only make you more anxious to know what they are doing. When going through break ups in the past, I used to repeat this sentence to myself. “It doesn’t matter what they’re doing, it won’t change my situation or how I feel.” If you need to, delete and unfollow them, but let your ex know that you’re doing it for your own sake so it doesn’t come across as a resentful delete.
Having relationships and break ups while you are young helps you to realise what you want in a long term partner and what you don’t want. This makes it easier to recognise Mr Right or Miss Right when you meet them.
Let yourself be weak. Then be strong. Stay strong. You will move on and you will feel.
Do you have your own tips for getting through the pain of a broken heart?
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Boy/girlfriend relationshipSpeaking to someone about your problems can be the first steps to a solution.
