This is an opinion blog by one of fab youth bloggers. Please note this article contains sexual references and content that is suitable for mature audiences only (that was our disclaimer, so if you read on you have been warned, sex will be discussed!)
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I was 12 when I saw my first Porn Film. I was sleeping over at a friends house who’s parents had left us alone long enough for my friend to present me with her latest discovery.
An unmarked, untitled VHS. Like Holmes and Watson we sat together on the floor ready to view our next clue that would help us solve the mystery of SEX. That afternoon, on the floor with my best friend, I felt ashamed. Not only for the woman that I had just witnessed taking part in something that seemed rather painful and humiliating but also about myself. I was more confused than ever. I felt I had been lied to. Just like Santa, the story of a man and woman falling in love and wanting to find a deeper connection seemed like bullshit. There was no love between the people I just saw. There was no respect or intimacy. Was that what sex was all about?
My foray into Porn stopped there…that is not to say I have any huge issues with two consenting adults taking part in a little horizontal sizzle to be later viewed for their own and others enjoyment. However, what I DO have a problem with is the way the internet has revolutionized pornography.
No longer does the word pornography conjure up images of a young boy peeking at the provocatively posing centerfolds in his father’s Playboy or Penthouse. Now all you need is access to a PC and any four, fourteen or four hundred and forty four year old can submerse themselves in the dangerous and murky waters of Porn World. There is no gatekeeper, no guardian. It’s all there, ready-on-the-go 24/7 to access whenever you please. The market has become saturated and consumers grow de-sensitized and bored forcing the pornographers to find more extreme and graphic ways to capture audiences. What once was labeled as ‘Hardcore’ is now mainstream.
The average age for first viewing porn is said to be 11 years old. According to one study 90% of 8-16 year olds have viewed pornography online. Its horrifying to think that the ever-younger and impressionable viewers still forming their own values and attitudes about sex, have access to material such as Gag Me then F*&k Me. What does that say about our cultures idea’s toward woman, sex and intimacy?
It’s a well know fact that some adolescents (as well as adults) look to pornography as a reference tool for developing their sexual education. It requires little to no effort at all for the ‘enthusiastic student’ to access an overwhelming selection of unrestricted, free viewing material. Sites range from ‘soft’ porn – one woman vaginally penetrated by a man, to more ‘hardcore’ porn which includes more increasingly disturbing images or footage where by the women are penetrated vaginally, orally and anally and by more than one man at a time. What is presented as ‘sex’ looks more like cruelty. It is formulaic and the themes consistent. To someone born BPW (Before Porn World) the idea that porn is a representation of reality is absurd.
I wonder if the young boy, penis in hand is aware just how inaccurate his ‘sexual education’ really is.
A woman never says ‘No’ in Pornland. Ever ready and enthusiastic to meet her partners sexual demands no matter how uncomfortable or degrading they may be. They make sounds of eager appreciation as their bodies are used and often abused by their male partner. In Porn world, women are never concerned about pregnancy, STI’s or damage to their bodies.
They don’t seem to mind men humiliating them as they are called skanks and hoes. They don’t seem to care that not even a trace of intimacy or affection is apparent. In fact kissing, caressing and cuddling are all noticeably absent in porn. The Man always receives what he wants, when and how he want’s it. And when they are done, they are really done-showing no sign of intimacy or affectation towards the woman they have just ejaculated onto.. No where in the land of porn is a females emotional and sexual satisfaction given consideration. In fact I have a strong belief that some men who take their sexual cue’s from porn are clueless in the art of satisfying a woman. Let it be heard that most (possibly all, but who am I to make assumptions) women dislike the idea of their partners semen all over their face.
Now, we could debate all night on whether watching porn does in fact have a negative effect on it’s audience. That growing up in a society so consumed by Porn culture has shifted our attitudes about sex and intimacy.
Men may argue that Porn images are locked away in that part of the brain labeled Fantasy, that they themselves can determine what is ok to arouse them whilst alone and what is acceptable to play out in reality. Yet one only needs to engage in conversation with a group of young Gen Y ladies to see just how much Porn Culture has leaked in our lives and relationships. All to often I hear young girls complain about the number of guys who believe that making their partner push their sexual boundaries and comfort zones is ok.
Many say out of fear of appearing prudish or a ‘bad f*#k they find themselves acting out porn sex. Porn sex has somehow become a benchmark for ‘exciting’ sex. Seeking any form emotional connection with a sexual partner is seen as ‘needy’ and a ‘No Strings Attached’ sexual appetite is increasingly popular.
And it doesn’t stop there. Sexting is a major issue facing Australian teenagers with increasing numbers of young women feeling pressured by boys to send sexual explicit images of themselves via their mobile (see video below for more about sexting). What is even more disturbing is that although these young girls may feel uncomfortable with their actions they feel almost obligated to put their partners needs and desire’s ahead of their own.
Its not only women who feel the negative impact of a culture obsessed with porn. Guys too, often experience the feeling of inadequacy relating to sex after watching porn. Worries about their penis size or sexual performance are common as is the fear of ejaculating to quickly or not at all. It’s easy to forget that sex is an act that is supposed to bring two people closer together. A way of showing intimacy and affection.
Where is the pornography that depict men and women having great ‘truthful’ sex that involves deep connection and respect. The woman brought to orgasm by her lover who has a understanding and love for the female body.
Exploring what turns you on and what doesn’t, is all part of the fun. But we as females and males, deserve the right to be respected for our sexual choices. No-one should ever feel exploited, degraded or pressured to conform to any stereotype. Why should we let a bunch of middle aged perverts brainwash us into thinking what is sexy. Why let them have any control over our sexuality at all? I for one happen to like foreplay. I like my sexual partners to respect my body and my choices. I like to feel equal. And any guy who wants to go all porno cowboy on me, well I’m sorry baby but that ain’t gonna cut it!
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