Video Transcription
Teen mum
I am very—I think “through” is probably the best word—and I feel very privileged to have the time of Ebony Dance. This is the first time Ebony and I have actually met each other. Ebony was, I guess, referred to me by a wonderful woman called Bernadette Black. Bernie, as she’s known to many people, gave me Ebony’s name because Ebony and Bernie had come into contact with each other through the Brave Foundation. Any of you who know Bernie would know that she’s the founder and, I guess, the CEO of the Brave Foundation at the moment.
Ebony is 20 years old and currently at university studying a Bachelor of Arts. She’s engaged to be married. She came into contact with Bernie because she fell pregnant with her daughter Ruby, who’s now four, when she was 15 years old. Since then, she has had Archer, who is now one. I think there are a lot of things that I’d love to talk to you about in regards to your journey so far, Ebony. Without scratching the surface, you certainly seem to be breaking the mold a little bit regarding young girls having babies and the perception that once a young girl has a child, their future or life choices become quite narrow or limited. However, based on what I just said—that you’re at university—I assume you finished Year 12, which is amazing, especially with a two- or three-year-old.
Perhaps, Ebony, just for those watching, in your own words, could you share a little bit about your story?
“Okay. So, I was 15 when I fell pregnant with Ruby, and that was quite a big shock to everyone. My parents were surprised, to say the least. At first, they were both pretty angry, as you can imagine. Being a 15-year-old at a Catholic school and falling pregnant was not really in the plan. After a while, they did become a lot more accepting of it. I mean, what can you do? You have to support your child, so that’s what they ended up doing.
I was in Year 10 when I had Ruby.”
When it all happened, you obviously stayed at school while you were pregnant. How did you feel in that environment around your friends?
“Well, I lost a lot of friends because, towards the end, we really didn’t have that much in common. Growing up, they focused on fun things—boys, parties, and that sort of thing. I obviously couldn’t do that, and I didn’t really want to do that. So, being pregnant, yeah, I lost a lot of friends, which was pretty hard. I became a bit isolated, I think.”
And the father—how did that play out?
“When I told him, he immediately said, ‘abortion.’ He was 17 at the time and had really big dreams for himself, and I guess so did I. Like I said, this wasn’t in the plan. He was in a lot of shock, and then we broke up. He wasn’t really involved in my pregnancy at all until the day after she was born—he came and met her. He’s been in her life ever since.”
I guess, because you see in the movies that when young girls get pregnant, they sometimes try to cover it up or go on a ‘holiday’ for a couple of months and then come back. But my understanding is that your connection with Bernie came through your school bringing her in. Was that because you chose to stay in the classroom, and they felt it would be advantageous for the other students to understand?
“Yeah. As you can imagine, there was a lot of talk about someone being pregnant at the school. I think, because Bernie had the story that she does, they wanted to bring her in to show that someone can finish their education and that it would be okay.”
If anybody doesn’t know Bernadette, I really recommend that you Google her. She was Australia’s Mother of the Year a few years ago. Her story is quite similar—she became pregnant at 16 and had her son at 17. She has gone on to have a wonderful life but has spent a large portion of it focusing on providing support and a family-like environment for young girls who become pregnant, particularly with a focus on keeping them in education.
So, clearly, that was a challenging time. Which school were you at?
“I was at McKillop Catholic College.”
Great. So, you ended up graduating?
“Yes. I went back to school just two or three days a week because that’s all I could manage. I went back when Ruby was six weeks old.”
Wow. It sounds like they were really supportive.
“Yeah, they were. It was the first time it had ever happened at my school, so it was a new experience for them too. My principal and all my teachers were really supportive and wanted me to finish my education. I was very lucky.”
The father of Ruby obviously talked about abortion, but for you personally, that wasn’t something you wanted to consider?
“Not at all. A lot of people really wanted me to have an abortion. My mom did at first—she really wanted me to. It wasn’t because she didn’t love me; it was more out of shock. Her instinct was, ‘Quick, we can fix this; you can still have your life.’ My best friend’s mom also strongly encouraged abortion. I almost felt like it was being pushed on me. That was a big reason why I chose not to—I felt pressured, and as a 15-year-old, you just push back.”
How did you tell the school? Did your mom and dad sit down with you?
“No. My principal was actually the first adult to know. I was skipping class because I was a mess, as you can imagine, after finding out I was pregnant so young. I just wasn’t in the right headspace to be sitting in class while trying to figure out how to tell my parents. My principal called me to her office and asked what was going on because that wasn’t like me. I just came out with it. She was very supportive. She took me to the counselor, and we worked out a plan for how to tell my parents.”
That’s wonderful. What was her name?
“Mrs. Towns. She was amazing—a great support.”
