Video Transcription

Tea and consent – Sex and Consent

If you’re still struggling with consent, just imagine that instead of initiating sex, you’re making them a cup of tea.

You say, “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they go, “Oh my god, I would LOVE a cup of tea! Thank you!” Then you know they want a cup of tea.

If you say, “Hey, would you like a cup of tea?” and they’re like, “Um, I’m not really sure…” then you can make them a cup of tea or not, but be aware that they might not drink it. And if they don’t drink it, then—and this is the important part—don’t make them drink it. Just because you made it doesn’t mean you are entitled to watch them drink it.

If they say, “No, thank you,” then don’t make them tea. At all. Just don’t make them tea, don’t make them drink tea, don’t get annoyed at them for not wanting tea. They just don’t want tea, okay?

They might say, “Yes please, that’s kind of you,” and then when the tea arrives, they actually don’t want the tea at all. Sure, that’s kind of annoying since you’ve gone to all the effort of making the tea, but they remain under no obligation to drink it. They did want tea—now they don’t. Some people change their mind in the time it takes to boil the kettle, brew the tea, and add the milk. And it’s okay for people to change their mind. You are still not entitled to watch them drink it.

And if they are unconscious, don’t make them tea. Unconscious people don’t want tea and can’t answer the question, “Do you want tea?” because they are unconscious.

Okay, maybe they were conscious when you asked them if they wanted tea, and they said yes, but in the time it took you to boil the kettle, brew the tea, and add the milk, they are now unconscious. You should just put the tea down, make sure the unconscious person is safe, and—this is the important part again—don’t make them drink the tea. They said yes then, sure, but unconscious people don’t want tea.

If someone said yes to tea, started drinking it, and then passed out before they’d finished it, don’t keep pouring it down their throat. Take the tea away and make sure they are safe. Because unconscious people don’t want tea. Trust me on this.

If someone said “yes” to tea at your house last Saturday, that doesn’t mean that they want you to make them tea all the time. They don’t want you to come around unexpectedly to their place and make them tea, forcing them to drink it, saying, “BUT YOU WANTED TEA LAST WEEK.” They don’t want to wake up to find you pouring tea down their throat, going, “BUT YOU WANTED TEA LAST NIGHT.”

If you can understand how completely ludicrous it is to force people to have tea when they don’t want tea, and you are able to understand when people don’t want tea, then how hard is it to understand when it comes to sex?

Whether it’s tea or sex—Consent Is Everything.

And on that note, I am going to make myself a cup of tea.

Visit our Sex and Consent page for more videos and factsheets