Video Transcription

The Basics of Sexual Consent – can I use your phone?

It’s really important to understand what giving sexual consent actually means, both emotionally and physically, and knowing what laws are here to help protect you and keep you safe.

Imagine asking your partner to have sex without asking to use their mobile phone. Can I use your phone? What might they say? You think that there are only two answers, right? Yes or no? Well, it’s a bit more complicated than that, but first, let’s deal with a simple part.

So, can I use your phone? No. That’s pretty easy to understand. They don’t want you to use their phone. You might feel a little bit upset that they don’t want you to use their phone just now or anytime soon, but worse things have happened. You’ll just have to wait until they’re ready to let you use their phone, and you shouldn’t pressurize someone to let you use it.

Give me your phone. No.

If they say, “Yeah,” this is where things get a bit more complicated. They might say, “Sure, you can use my phone to make a call,” but this might come with conditions, like, you can only use it if it’s to make a short call.

Can I send a text message? Or look at your photos? Or show your photos to my mates?

Just because they say yes doesn’t mean you can use their phone whenever you want, without asking. Giving you permission to use their phone for a quick call does not mean you can use their phone however you want or whenever you want.

And sexual consent is exactly the same. So if somebody says yes to something like a kiss, this doesn’t mean they’re saying yes to anything else. And having sex once does not mean you can demand sex again whenever you want, without asking.

And if your partner can’t give you an answer for any reason, this never means yes. Not saying no does not mean yes. You wouldn’t just take someone’s phone if they hadn’t said yes, would you?

Hey, so when you think of it like that, there are similarities between asking to have sex and asking to use someone’s phone.

The best way to understand what your partner is happy with is to talk about it. It might feel a little bit awkward for her. She might get excited, nervous, or worried, but it does get easier.

And remember, not as many people are doing it as you might think. It is so much better when you both know what you think.

Remember, when someone asks you, it’s up to you.